"Yahweh's love will last forever,
His faithfulness til the end of time."

I like what I read in the MTQ Bulletin.
It talks about spirituality of change and it mentions my favorite prayer. ;)
Sometimes I feel this: "feet wet."

Honestly I don't know what to say about what's happening in our country right now.
But I think it will not solve the root of the problem.

I like what my sister shared about Gawad Kalinga. She went there on the date of People Power One. What their doing in GK is what People Power should be. It's ground work and literally building our broken nation through helping build houses of our needy brothers.

I also like the advocay of RockEd . Coolness! It says "rocking society through education." =) It's aligned with what I am passionate about.

Pinagmamalaki ko na Pilipino ako! =) I am proud to be part of this country. Despite all the hurts, pains, confusion, mistakes and struggles we've been through, love springs forth in unexpected places. =) Marami pa rin ang may pakialam. Marami pa rin ang tunay na nagmamahal. All we have to do is stop looking at the TV and go around, observe, see. The world is changing before our eyes. There is hope. ;)

hocus focus! =)

I'm back to procrastinating. Oh nose!

It seems that with all the hulabaloo that's happening, I feel uneasy and it's paralyzing.
I feel distracted but I know I should focus.

I can't believe I have atleast 10 papers to do by March 4. 4 illustrative examples, 2 journal critics, 1 reaction paper, 1 individual paper on learning theories, lesson plan & explanation for class demo, 1 group paper on Social Cognitive Learning Theory.
Then there are projects and writing activties to be checked, CS grades to be submitted, club grades as well. Ack. It's overwhelming. I don't know where to start.

I really have to will myself.
Tsk. Focus na ito.
Konting tiis na lang.
Summer vacation is already near.

Lately, I think I've become a sleepy head.
I'm not sure if it's connected to tai-chi.
I started feeling more relaxed after taking lessons.
Before, I had a hard time sleeping. Now, I easily dose off!

Hay, the fate of our country is at hand.
May we heal as a nation.
Be not afraid.

Patience & Prudence.

Full force na ito. Back to work! =)
Check the FWA's then start doing the illustrative examples.

I'm so fortunate to be in this noble profession.
Looking back at the past year, I was thinking of how I ended up where I am right now.
Providence talaga.
It was not part of my plan to teach after college.
I didn't see myself as a teacher immediately.
But here I am right now, struggling but happy waking up in the morning to see my students.
I know I have many things to improve on.
I've made countless mistakes.
But I am at peace.

I wish I could say that for the other aspects of my life.
Sometimes, emotions just get the best of me.
It shows up in my dreams. I find myself sleeping longer than usual.
Besides that I could probably be tired, it's only in my dreams that
I get to dwell on my emotions and feelings and walk out easily.
I can tell you everything I want.
I sometimes don't even remember.

Openness is such a challenge.
My patience is always being put to the test.

I can't wait for summer vacation.
Many changes ahead of me.

it's my third anniversary! =)

Wow...when I was writing the date today on my personal journal, I just realized that it's my anniversary, my 'rebirth' or 'renewal' or 'reawakening.' =)

Thank you Lord. ;)
Hehe just like heaven. =p
Hmmm, who could be my reason? ;p
Ang kulit. =)

I'm happy I'm still alive.
I feel so loved.
Thank you.

We ate dinner at my Tita's place last night. She was actually recounting what happened to me. Ang galing noh? I am still amazed how it happened. It's like it was a dream, a wonderful dream because of the people around me. Everything's back to normal...well, atleast people don't give me the weird look or extra special attention. Nakakamiss...haha. I realized after that, the warmth and touch of a loved one can help heal. Shucks...kung di lang ako repressed minsan...haha I would want to hug many people. =) Ang sarap kasi...just like what we do in our PGTB group. I just don't want to be awkward. So next time you see me, do me a favor and let me hug you! ;) hehe

Thoughts and sharings from 3rd Sunday Reco

I gain a lot of insights and stories from our sharing in our 3rd sunday recollection Family. =)
I've decided to write about these things so that I won't forget and so that other people may be moved from these stories.

Hm, I honestly don't know where to start.
First was Evie (eevee) who affirmed the group and shared how this has given her strength.
I feel the same way. I gain more insights from hearing people from different walks of life struggling with their faith as well.

Then I shared one story I heard yesterday about a mother who had a son.
She kept on singing "I love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be" even if she also had a hard time taking care of her son. It shows God's love for us. At the end of the day, despite all my sins and shortcomings, He reassures me that He still loves me and it gives me peace.

One of the "experienced ones," Resurrecion, shared about how God talks to us in different ways (which I have to agree, it's important to respect people's differences.) It was interesting how she said she had to experience paralysis literally for her to come to terms with God. Hehe she was just like St. Ignatius. Before, she joined a leftist group. She had to be imprisoned twice and she even got shot by an M-14 right through her leg. While recuperating in Makati Med, she was praying to God. She said how sometimes as an NGO, there's a tendency to be 'arrogant' in a sense, to just think that you're in the right place, something like that. But in the end, she realized how wel all need God. After that, she joined a different NGO. She's into a feminist movement right now.

I liked what Barbs shared about "survival" based from the movie Saving Private Ryan which she asked her high school boys to watch in class. They said how it was 'unfair' that the Corporal was the one who 'survived' when in fact he didn't do anything to help compared to the snipper who tried his best and he died fighting. Cher Barbs asked the boys if they thought it was 'survival.' Survival is not just about going through something without any problem or injuries. Survival is encountering mistakes but giving it your all, living out what you're passionate for. Hmmm..

Then one of the guys said how it's fortunate for Resurrecion that what happened to her was explicit. Sometimes it's harder to actually go beyond the 'paralysis' usually caused by fear because we have to make choices. Having people to share with and hearing people share their own struggles serve as vitamins to another's spiritual life.

There were still a handful who shared but right now I know I have to prioritze and do things for school. One last thing, I liked our conversations after the mass when we had lunch. I learned more about kids from Kuya Cid whose a father of a gifted child ;) Coolness. I think it would really be fulfilling to be a mother. I know with everything I'm doing right now, I'm learning a lot. Kids are just so lovable even if sometimes they can be annoying. They are very honest. I've learned a lot from them.

I'll try to write more once I get a breather. I'm actually really packed with work. Tsk. Not been doing much yet. Hehe nanood pa ako ng "a lot like love" last night. Good luck! =p it seems that people have been asking me about my love life. ;) ang kulit. wala nga. wala. steady lang. hehe I'm not yet ready and maybe he's not as well, whoever he is, that is. =) Naglolokohan pa mga older teachers if they were ceasarian or not when they gave birth. haha If you were ceasarian, according to them, it means late ka na nag-asawa. oh diba? haha =p basta. keep posted. I'm admittedly a latebloomer ;p but I think I'm not destined for single blessedness. Naisip ko, if you spent a lot of time with your husband when you were very young, you're more likely to get sick of each other and think of the "what ifs". so, sulitin na natin ang ating singlehood =p do what you've always dreamed of. discover yourself. grow. =p

Walk the Line and Your Heart today =)

I watched a nice movie with co-teachers during Valentines day. =p Cute!
I'm trying to be more open...eh di gumimik ako with some of my co-teachers.
After watching the movie, we ate dinner. These small talks are priceless. I find out more about the people around me. Hehe teacher talk - about our misbehaving students, the school. ;) Di lang pala ako may problema. The boys are getting rowdier. Nagwawala na. We only have two weeks of school left. Whew. Time flies...Better make the most out of it. 'Times a' wasting" (haha like what June Carter sang with the Cowboy accent) =p I can't wait for summer. But before that, crunch time na. I need to do tons of papers for my educ units. Ack. Stress. Focus. Become aware. ;) Yahoo! I'll videotape my class next week for my Classroom Dynamics class requirement. Hehe souvenir! =p Now, I'll get to see myself teaching for real.

What a better way to end the week than a reassurance from Him. =) Despite all the shortcomings, mistakes and frustrations, I know I'm in the right place right now. It doesn't feel great but I feel at peace.

Quotable quotes from PGTB PS:
(Contemplation on the Calming of the Storm)

"A storm is a rainbow waiting to happen"- Andoy

"Because I know I'm weak, the more I go to mass."
But I do not want people to know how weak I am. When I go to mass, I just tell my co-workers I have 'something important to do.'"-Aivs

"I am the storm and God commands me 'Be still.'"-Steph

"Kaya mo naman eh, believe in Me and yourself." I am just here - Kuya Jess


It feels comforting to know that I am not alone in my struggles. It feels reassuring to see people who are very honest and open.


I'm so grateful to my co-teachers!
I'm so grateful to PGTB ;)

Lord, Grant me courage.

Lord, Grant me strength.

Lord, Grant me compassion

That I may be Your Heart today.

What a full week...=)

Nakakapagod pero nakakatuwa.
Salamat! ;)

be like the river ;) be like water

I got this from "The Warrior of the Light" e-mail I'm subscribed to To be like a river flowing

“A river never passes the same place twice,” says a philosopher. “Life is like a river,” says another philosopher, and we draw the conclusion that this is the metaphor that comes closest to the meaning of life. Consequently, it is always good to remember during all the year to come: A] We are always doing things for the first time. While we move between our source (birth) to our destination (death), the landscape will always be new. We should face these novelties with joy, not with fear – because it is useless to fear what cannot be avoided. A river never stops running. B] In a valley we walk slower. When everything around us becomes easier, the waters grow calm, we become more open, fuller and more generous. C] Our banks are always fertile. Vegetation only grows where there is water. Whoever comes into contact with us needs to understand that we are there to give the thirsty something to drink. D] Stones should be avoided. It is obvious that water is stronger than granite, but it takes time for this to happen. It is no good letting yourself be overcome by stronger obstacles, or trying to fight against them - that is a useless waste of energy. It is best to understand where the way out is, and then move forward. E] Hollows call for patience. All of a sudden the river enters a sort of hole and stops running as joyfully as before. At such moments the only way out is to count on the help of time. When the right moment comes the hollow fills up and the water can flow ahead. In the place of the ugly, lifeless hole there now stands a lake that others can contemplate with joy. F] We are one. We were born in a place that was meant for us, which will always keep us supplied with enough water so that when confronted with obstacles or depression we have the necessary patience or strength to move forward. We begin our course in a soft and fragile manner, where even a simple leaf can stop us. Nevertheless, as we respect the mystery of the source that gave us life, and trust in His eternal wisdom, little by little we gain all that we need to pursue our path. F] Although we are one, soon we shall be many. As we travel on, the waters of other springs come closer, because that is the best path to follow. Then we are no longer just one, but many – and there comes a moment when we feel lost. However, as the Bible says, “all rivers flow to the sea.” It is impossible to remain in our solitude, no matter how romantic that may seem. When we accept the inevitable encounter with other springs, we eventually understand that this makes us much stronger, we get around obstacles or fill in the hollows in far less time and with greater ease. G] We are a means of transportation. Of leaves, boats, ideas. May our waters always be generous, may be always be able to carry ahead everything or everyone that needs our help. H] We are a source of inspiration. And so, let us leave the final words to the Brazilian poet, Manuel Bandeira: “To be like a river that flows silent through the night, not fearing the darkness and reflecting any stars high in the sky. And if the sky is filled with clouds, the clouds are water like the river, so without remorse reflect them too in the calm deep.”

=) Very insightful.
I feel the tai-chi vibe. I'm taking lessons! Whoopee! ;) I feel like I'm headed to be a Kung Fu master ala Jackie Chan. =p haha I wish. hehe pero astig! ;) One of the first lessons I learned: In tai-chi everything is flowing, circular. It's not the type that tells you "step one, step two." It's about feeling yourself, listening, letting it flow. =) Let's see. ;) Hope this helps me.

crying and transcending

Sometimes I'm amazed how insightful I could be.
But part of me feels it sucks because I'm not living out everything I'm saying or writing.
If saying something or writing about it was as simple as really doing it. But it's not.
It still hurts. It still gets confusing. It's not black and white.

Hehe feel good song. ;)

Soon, love, soon
Soon, love, soon
Soon, love, soon

There'll be a fire burning in the temple of our peace
(Soon love soon)
There'll be the soaring voice for a silent plea
(Soon love soon)
We will hold a broken circle and begin to pray
(Soon love soon)
We will find a black and white in the grey

And we will be as one god
And we will be as one people
And we will be as one god
And we will be as one people

(Soon love soon)
We will find illumination in unnatural light
(Soon love soon)
You will travel a thousand miles without leaving my sight
(Soon love soon)
We will find we never knew hatred ran so deep
(Soon love soon)
Such a wide, wide chasm of faith to leap

But we will be as one god
And we will be as one people
And we will be as one god
And we will be as one people
Yes we will be as one god
And we will be as one people

(Soon love soon)
There'll be an evolution of the human soul
(Soon love soon)
We will know that to be a part is to be truly whole
(Soon love soon)
We will know the pattern of centuries' rise and fall
(Soon love soon)
We will know that the fate of one is the fate of all

some insights I need to remember

"Don't just listen to critics. Think about what they're saying and do the right thing."

"Be quick to listen but slow to speak."

"Even if it's hard to trust nowadays, still trust because that is the only way to live out your life fully."

Being lenient, being strict - you've tried both extremes. What haven't you tried yet? Why not try being consistent?

a bloody valentines day so far..

I'm half way through my day and all I can say is this is a very bloody Valentine's day both literally and figuratively. Stress.

1. ) woke up late! 7am already. Good thing I was able to punch in 2 minutes before 7:30 and I have a 7:30am class.
2.) felt I needed to go to the washroom while in class, found out later on why
3.) severe case of dysmenorrhea,well in my case at least.
4.) got observed for my last period, honestly didn't prepare well for my lessons today. tsk.
5) feel bad because of mistakes I'm making in teaching, tsk. tsk.
6) some other stuff that I think are quite too private or sensitive to discuss. (involves one of my students and a therapist, some inner stuff)
7) I still want to write but I realized how in reality I'm actually holding back so much..so I stop.

Gosh. Lord. Help me. I'm freaking out. I want to whine. I'm just stressed.

One major reflection to ponder on for myself: Am I really called to be a teacher?
Something on the sidelines: When is he going to grow up and ask me out? =p
Hay naku ;p hehe but it's alright. I know he has his reasons. And maybe, I do also. Just want to hang out though.

Happy Valentines day to all! ;) Yihee...sa mga may date diyan =p
As for those who don't have one, don't fret. Love ka ni Kuya Jess. And if you're a friend reading this, I also do..altho not in a romantic sense ;)

Hay. It still hurts a bit. Bloody, bloody, bloody! tsk. But, I'm actually relieved I have already. Atleast I'm still normal in that sense. =p Labo. No date but not bothered. ;) hehe I'm off!