my stupid mouth and meeting high school friends

..has got me in trouble. I said to much again, to a date over dinner yesterday.
And I could see he was offended, he said well, anyway. Just dying for subject change.
Oh, I'm never speaking up again..."

Can I just say that I only tease people I am amused with?
That should be my disclaimer when I make side comments.
I think I might have offended the Blind, Christmas time
because I was too harsh with my teasing.

Oh well, Get over it. Raquel. ;) Hehe this is my last release
after "killing" myself over the tactless I did.
There are other more important things I should be thinking about.
If he gets over the teasing, well then good. (Bahala na)
I'll just be natural.

Anyways, I enjoyed seeing long lost high school friends.
It's been ages since I last saw Jean Margaret. =)
I'm happy we got to meet up today although it ate up my time to prepare for school.

Oh wells, noel. I need to reflect. I need to settle down.
I need to focus and work.
Enough of the worrying and daydreaming.
It's time to be real. It's time to be aware.
It's time to do something.

Weird, how I now know 3 people who lost their grandparent this Christmas.
Morbid: I was thinking, it would actually be nice to die after celebrating something like Christmas with your loved ones. I think I would die happy then.

Anyways, enough of that. I need to sleep in order to wake up early.

Eek...alcohol alert. Yesterday, drank 1 can of san mig light, 1 can of pale pilsen (hehe not really a drinker but there wasn't any water around! the cold drinks in can were so tempting..so I took one..not like I intend to be drunk). Today, drank 2 1/2 bottles of san mig light. Nyak. Oks lang naman siguro yun. It's not like I do it often. And it's not something really bad or sinful..diba? As long as you do it moderately. So for the STrains party this Friday, I think I'll have to cut down on that. More talking, less drinking. Hehe better for me. ;)

Eek. Money talk.

I feel a need to reflect and to write my thoughts.
I've experienced many insightful things the past few weeks (actually the whole year!) and I find it valuable to write them down to remember and to be more aware of them.

I'm amused with talking to friends. I feel light hearted and enlightened.
I'm grateful for my family. I love each one of them.

I'm dying to travel and go to the beach.
I want to discover all the wonderful places in the Philippines.
I feel jealous with my friends who have been to all these nice sites.
I am itching to explore the World.
(But I don't have the budget..so one of my goals is to save up money for travel! =) )
Actually, recently, I've been on a very tight budget. (I know for others, it might not be as tight but with all the things I want to do, sometimes it's just not enough.) Hm, right after writing it, I feel ashamed. I know a lot of people around me can do so much with the amount I get as my salary. It's just that I want to do so much and it costs too much.

I finally, enrolled again in UP for flute lessons. Good luck, haha now I'm really bankrupt. 9,350Php for 14 1-hour sessions. The price for your passion (and frustration hehe.)
I admit it was quite a hasty decision to put my money there but for the longest time I've longed to come back and play the flute. I guess, that's my treat for myself this Christmas. Anyway, I just gave the downpayment.

So, no more tai-chi lessons for me. Hehe I wanted to come back and do tai-chi again but that would also cost.. Oh wells. Maybe, I could try the free tai-chi they have in UP every Sunday.

I have to prioritizie. I need to reassess.

What do I want to pursue? What do I want to do with my life? Hehe sooo serious. But, really.

Even with expenses, my priorities are reflected. I'm taking 3units of Educ this sem (another source of expense for me =p but worth it!)

I honestly, don't like money talk but I just have to be honest that I feel constrained having a salary that's less than what I got. I just have to deal with it.

Hehe that's why my entrepreneurial skills are challenged. Ayoko magmukhang pera pero gusto ko kumita. Haha I guess, I've had this bias against entrepreneurs for the longest time because of what my teachers used to explain to me when I was younger. In our school, we weren't allowed to sell anything to anyone. It was "bad." After that, I got the stigma, that those people who sold just wanted to have more money and that's being selfish. But, I know that that's not the case. It does not mean that if you earn, you cheat others. I just have to overcome this belief with myself before I venture into any career being an entrepreneur. But, I do dream of having my own business. Hehe I have a big idea that I've been holding on for quite a while now. Maybe, in the future. Now, I still have to save up money for my future!

Hehe makulit na kuwento: I was at the doctor's office with my little sister today with my mom. An old Chinese lady started chatting with my mom and I. She was asking if my dad was mestizo and she was saying how pretty we were. (hehe so may pag-asa pa ako sa Chinese...=p haha as if meron) I can't remember how exactly the discussion went but I remember her telling me how quickly one million pesos can disappear. She advised me to marry a very rich man! Haha di lang daw dapat milyonaryo, dapat bilyonaryo! I admit there are biases with the Chinese and money, but I guess they're just being practical. As for me, even if there are financial challenges, if ever I do get married what's more important is that we love each other and we're both responsible parents. I know God will provide.

Anyways, enough of the money talk. It's Christmas time - it's the season of love. =)
Ngunit kahit na anong manyari, ang pag-ibig sana'y maghari, sapat ng si Hesus ang kasama mo, tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang Pasko.

I just hope and pray that despite financial difficulties, our unfortunate Filipino brothers will be with their loved ones and they will feel the spirit of Christmas, the spirit of Christ's love.

it's been ages

I feel like it's been ages since my last post here.
I'm starting to try out my other blog/write things.
I've been so busy and I've experienced so much the past few days
that I haven't paused yet and reflected much.

Part of me feels 'sleepy' or 'lazy' to write.
Hm, was thinking I'm getting dehydrated.
That's why I feel sleepy! Yep...I read it somewhere.

I don't think I'm making much sense right now.
I just want to type, to write, raw and bear
without having to edit my thoughts.

Weird, I'm talking to myself right now but I know someone might read this.
There are some things I want to share to others but some things I want to keep to
myself or to my closest friends.

I dreamt of him again last night.
It was so real. The feeling was so real.
Ewan, nagkakatampuhan kami.
Hay, the pressure around.

I like the Blind but I love my kind.
haha labo. Basta. I'm so torn.
I have mixed emotions and I know I'm not
making myself clear now.
That's why I want to write.

I need to settle down, to let my emotions subside,
to accept what I feel.

Ano ang gagawin ko? Lahat ng tao tinatanong ako
tungkol sa atin pero wala naman tayong pinag-uusapan.
Sige, mahal mo ako. Alam ko naman. Mahal din kita.
Hindi nga lang, katulad ng dapat para tawagin tayong "sila."

Basta, bahala na.
I'm not rushing into anything.

My dream: we were together, with a few friends. It was late at night, we were talking.
You used to be the one who brought me home but I felt awkward asking you. You asked Mmol to bring me home. You told him to be careful. I knew you still cared for me. It's just hard to be in this situation. I still care for you but I don't want to lead you on. I have been hurt with how you left me all alone. I know and respect what you're doing with your life. I'm proud of what you've become. I just feel we're becoming strangers to each other. Lord, pls. don't let us part.


Anyways, I bet I have loads of grammatical errors here. I just "blabbed" without really thinking much. I just wrote what i feel. I have yet to discern.

I like what I'm reading now: "You are what you think." It makes a lot of sense.

I just pray I can really transcend myself. I pray for things to settle down in me before the year ends..before Christmas comes.

It was Cathy's debut last night. Miss goofing around with old friends. (RD, Ow, J, Congee)
I got to chat with Cars V. and Marts today.
Last friday, I had a weird but insightful and honest conversation with T.April.
I attended 3rd Sunday Reco (advent reco) last Sun.

So full. I need to unwind and recollect.
One day at a time.
Slow down mode.

I haven't even written about how lucky/blessed I am for winning a 3G phone a day after someone stole my phone.

Hay, patience. Blessed be!