"Napapagod na ako."I woke up today saying this to myself out loud..afterhaving to deal with many incidences in my class the past few days. I've been struggling with planning for the longest time. I prepare for my lessons a few hours before my classes. I feel like I'm always harrased. I haven't had my period for past five months. My hormones are not in sync. Everytime I look at the mirror, the bones on my ribs ae slowly starting to show. I don't have decent sleep regularly. I usually have no time to drink or even eat lunch. I can sense myself in the point of breaking down.
What an appropriate passage for this week: [The rdg for Thurs Mat 11: 28 - 30] Jesus said: "Come to me, all of you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for yoursouls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." [The rdg for today talks about God asking for
mercy not sacrifice, remembered Timo's sharing about this around this time of the year last year]
Sa totoo, alam ko kaya naman Lord. I am grateful for people who remind me of God's promise. He will be with me in fulfilling what I am meant to do. Thanks Joy, for helping me with the Science stuff! [Hulog ka ng langit! ;)]Ate Jack for helping with my book inventory, Teacher Tess for all the tips and moral support she's given and willing to give me, My dad for giving some advice on planning and prioritizing, the friday PS sessions with PGTB that keep me grounded and sane, Ow's text asking me how I am and telling me she's just here, Sandy's kisses and hugs, Gio for being a very kind-hearted student, all my students at some point for making me laugh and smile. Thanks for all these things that keeps me sane and gives me strength.
I've been so harrassed these past few weeks. I realized I cannot give what I do not have. I need self discipline to plan and accomplish more. I have lots of thoughts and insights but I need to slow down..one at a time.
Let my emotions settle down by writing it.
[I can see clearly now...the rain has gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney day.]
Music is therapy. Even if my Grade 4 class can be rowdy, natutuwa ako when they [usually Andrei and King] dance to the tune of High School musical's together song.
I need to plan well. I realized teaching is a discipline I apppreciate being in. It's like med or law school in a sense that you have to practice lots of self discipline because many things are asked from you - from lesson planning, classroom management, cognitve mapping of what I need to do, being a counselor. It's very dynamic to be a teacher. Even if it's tiring, what motivates me is the opportunity - to grow as a person, learn and even inspire a child.
[My thoughts are cluttered but I just want to share]
One more insight I have this week is the power of perceptions. I realized our behaviour and our feelings are based from perceptions - how we see things - because in the end we can never really know how one things is in it's true nature, but only how we see it with our eyes and minds. With all the people I need to relate to - from my students, to other teachers and parents - as well as all the things I need to do, may I have the right perspective.
I like what I'm reading now. Its entitled "The Phantom Tollbooth." Cute! hehe it has all those leadership/self help concepts combined with childhood fantasy. It's about a boy who lacked interest in everything. He was bored in school and even at home. Then a mysterious gift pops up out of nowhere, a tollbooth which he goes through and brings him to the Place of Expectations. =p