tampo/selos, losing awareness

Hay. tsk. Some of my students are starting to 'hate' me. Nagtatampo sila sobra. Hay. I know they look up to me but my girls just feel jealous because [I didn't know] that I was paying too much attention to the new student Sophia and I was ignoring them. Ayoko kasi ang hindi nagraraise ng hand. Eh ganun yun iba kong girls but they're very emotional. Haha I can't believe I'm actually saying all the details here.

I've been having loaded dreams recently but I can't remember them.altho last night I remembered something about it. Nanay was there. She was just quiet but she was there. I dreamt we were in one room just like before and it felt reassuring just to see her and be with her. It's weird.

I've been quite distracted lately with all the expectations that are building up because I realized what people say about things may be affecting me. For example, one teacher said how our students are spoiled brats. After we talked about it, I've noticed how my students started showing how spoiled they are when in fact, I thought at the start they were very respectful. I actually saw that also. I realized the power of being aware of one's perception and one's action and how it affects people. It's so tricky but I believe I can become a better person by allowing myself to grow and learn from these experiences. I just pray and hope I'll have more self-discipline so I can maximize my time.

Anyways, I have to work already and prepare for class before I leave home.Hay. stress. Good thing it's a friday already - time to reenergize myself and plan well.

PODS today. ack. I still have no activity. I'll just follow the manual I got.
Okay, I'm talking nonsense already since only I can understand this.

Wala na nga talaga ako time para mag-update sa close friends kaya I thought of just writing here.

I was asking my student this: Can you trust me on this - that I don't have favorites?
She said: I'm not that sure because we can't see it.
Ah... it's not just about words but I have to show it in my actions. Kahit saan namang
relationship ganun din dapat. What I appreciate is them talking to me about it.
Alam ko nagtatampo lang talaga sila sobra kasi they like me. Misunderstanding lang talaga.
Ang cute. haha sana lang I can say this after today.

happytired

I got this term "happytired" from Pat F. (after we finished TNTCore-ing)

That is what I feel everyday.
[Well, I also have the dissatisfied part in me knowing I could still improve on teaching...especially with the Math class of Grade 4)

I'm happy because of my students.
Ang sarap sa puso makita na nagtitiwala sila sayo at natututo sila.
I'm happy becase of the Musmos kids.
Kahit na brusko si Maxsimo [at dating rugby boy], pagkatapos ko sabihan ng
sayang, guwapo pa naman siya pero nagmumura siya or naninipa, unti unting
nagtitiwala na siya sa akin. Makikita mo sa mga mata niya na naghahanap lang
siya ng pagmamahal at aruga.

I'm tired because the systems at work are not in place.
Teachers can avoid having more stress if the systems are fixed
to maximize all resources.
I'm tired because the whole day I've been talking and standing up.
I'm tired because I haven't stopped to relax at all.

Lord, may I find shelter in Your arms.
I know you are with me, that's why I am able to accomplish things
despite the weakness of my body.

it's been quite a while

For the longest time [well that's just how I feel] , I've tried to avoid writing my thoughts and how I really feel. I always hesitate for fear of being exposed to the public. Labo. I read my friends' blog which have all their thoughts but I don't feel like sharing all my thoughts. I suppose it's because I don't want people to see my weakness - that deep down inside I also get hurt. Even if I'm usually bubbly or smiley or optimistic, I also struggle with myself.

I'm changing right before my eyes. I don't know how my old friends will take it. I appreciate a different kind of conversation. It's weird how I feel empty in "blah-conversations" [hehe Ow's term.] I appreciate honest conversations.

Basta, haha. Natuwa naman ako nung kinausap ko siya, which was like a week a go. I think we're okay as friends right now but I find it amusing how our conversation shifts from being serious to finding myself smiling or laughing because of his side comments. Hehe siguro weakness ko talaga or at least you can get on my soft side if you make me laugh.

On the other hand, I realized I've also missed the closeness I had with old friends. Magka-iba na kami and I can feel a gap although I am still open. I just realized I shouldn't just close myself or expect so much from them with regard to being constantly there. Hay, ang hirap kasi. When everything's changing, I appreciate the friendships that stay strong. Natutuwa rin ako sa amin ni Ow. Even if we both are changing, I can still tell her anything. That's what I'm looking for right now. [It's just like I'm quoting Cha on this]

Hmm...Companionship. Who is a companion anyway? Haha hmm is he a life partner?
A friend? What does it mean?

I like the book that we have started using in our PGTB unit mtgs. It's entitled "Praying with the First Companions."

This week, we read Jn12:34 -35 - "Love one another"
I like the song we listened to. It's about friendship in Filipino. It's by Noel Cabangon.
The song goes on saying how if you need someone to talk to, to cry to or comfort you, I'm just here my friend.

I'm grateful for the richness of our sharing about love and friendship.
I started the sharing by telling them about the love languages, which I got from our team building in MI. There's this test we took in MI to gauge what kind of love language we use [There are actually 5 - words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch.] One of the things that hit me was when T. Joy said that the purpose of this was not to tell other people what your love language is so that they could understand you but rather, so that you can know their love languages and understand them. Some of my unitmates started imagining scearious and asking questions. How would you know another person's love language without them taking the test? One goes on saying how this helps us understand what we can give to another person. At the same time, with this in mind, it's really a challenge for us to go beyond ourselves. Even if we're not a touchy person or a person who easily says words of affirmation, we are challenged to try those things if it will help make other people feel loved.

Then, Joy shares another insight she got from the reading. A scene that always comes to her with the reading is Jesus' washing of the feet of the disciples. He actually says 'love one another' in this scene of the last supper where he washes his disciples feet. [I'm sorry to cut this short but I was distracted. Hehe there's this website for the love languages. It's quite interesting. I'll continue this after a while. Medyo mahaba na kasi sinulat ko and I feel like reading some stuff this time. I'm excited to learn so much so I can teach more.

"Love, love when it comes my way...everything's gonna be okay." ;)