Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.”

I’m working on divine intervention and God’s bountiful graces. I know without these things I can easily breakdown. Yesterday, I couldn’t control it already and I started crying – the kind of cry when it doesn’t make noise but tears keeps on falling on your cheeks. I was sobbing. I was really hurt ad frustrated. I had to excuse myself from the class and go to the washroom. It was the first time, since I’ve been employed as a teacher in my new school, that I’ve cried that much. Even when I wasn’t feeling well, it was just drops of tears. But, I’ve almost had it already because I get frustrated not being able to teach well because of all the things I have to do. I’m trying my best. I know I am but sometimes it seems like it’s not enough.

What triggered my emotional side was what happened in AP time and Science time. In AP time around nine students went outside because they wanted to read the book instead of listening to the teacher – King, Therese, Fleur, Gino, Martin, Andrei, Miguel S. I really think their becoming very disrespectful and rude but at the same time part of me is saying that they’re not just processed and managed well. Science time, Therese blurted out how I seem to like Gr.5 more since I give games to them and that I hate them and they hate me. It really popped the balloon of tears I’ve been trying to hold in. I don’t hate them at all. Precisely because I’m thinking of them, that’s why I get so stressed. At the same time, I’m thinking of them, that’s why I keep on deciding everyday that I will give my best and just finish this school year because I know how traumatizing or difficult it can be if a teacher leaves a class in the middle of the school year.

Hay, I just feel so anxious, add to the fact that Teacher Imon was absent yesterday. Buti pa nga siya, nakapag-absent na kasi may sakit. Ako, nung may lagnat at sakit pumasok pa rin. She started texting me about being stressed with all the things we had to do to the point of considering resigning. Hay, kami pa nagging partners diba? We’re both new and still adjusting. At the same time, our workload is really heavy. Isipin mo yun, 5 different subject! + may writing pa at homeroom. My schedule is really hectic for the whole day. I don’t get to study the content of all my subjects that well because it’s a lot considering the school’s approach has to be interesting and it uses all the multiple intelligences. I have to be honest with myself. I am having a hard time. The thought of resigning has crossed my mind so many times.

What keeps me coming back and continuing my work is something in me, some strength I never knew I had. Iniisip ko talaga, Diyos lang ang kayang siguraduhin na lahat ay magiging maayos, despite the stress, the pressure and the frustration. After crying my heart out yesterday, I came back to class. I talked to them. Sa totoo, madali lang naman ang kilit ng mga students ko – games. So for Science, before I dismissed them, we had a game as a review of the Respiratory System. Aba, gumana. Lahat sila nakinig. Well, it wasn’t perfectly quiet with all the excitement and bickering because of the game but the students were engaged. I know I’m learning – I’m learning the art of being interesting – just like what it says in Fr. Joseph Landy’s “Letter to a Young Teacher.”

Hay, I can’t wait for Friday. Sana mareview ko ng mabuti ang mga students ko. Waah, paano yun today ko pa lang didiscuss Skeletal System at Rehiyon III. Good luck to me.

Lord, please please give me strength. You are my strength.

“Lord, grant me COURAGE. Lord, grant me STRENGTH. Grant me COMPASSION. That I may be your heart today.”